So often the grief of having a family member with a dementia diagnosis can outweigh the joy of the holidays. Anxiety and concern about how things might go wrong means sometimes you might choose to stay at home, rather than engage with family.
In this blog, we offer tools to help you love your family member well so that instead of grief, you might find hope in your interactions this holiday season.
Janie Martin, a dementia educator with ForgeWorks offers practical advice. “People with dementia can teach us so, so much about living in the moment and finding flexibility in the midst of a busy season.”
Janie offers the following pieces of advice for interacting with your loved one who has a dementia diagnosis during the holidays and really, any time of year.
Preserve their Dignity. Dementia doesn’t define your loved one. Instead, the way you interact with them in the present, defines them. Recognize your loved one for the place they hold in your family. Are they the matriarch or the patriarch? Treat them with the appropriate respect. Don’t talk down to them or make assumptions based on their choices the last time you asked. Invite their contributions and find ways to celebrate what they bring to the family.
Validate their perspective. Your loved one may provide a perspective that isn’t based in reality. Just go with it! Janie recalls interacting with her aunt, who loved interacting with children. Today, she has a doll that is very special to her. The aunt doesn’t always recognize the difference between her doll and a real baby. Janie says, “I could argue with her, but what would it help? It would just frustrate me and her. Instead, I validate the care she gives the doll because I know it provides comfort to her.”
Embrace the moments. Whether it’s a moment of clarity when singing their favorite song or a light in their eye when retelling an old family story, recognize and embrace the moment. Take the time to cherish the connections you make. In storytelling, you may learn more about your loved one’s childhood than you ever imagined.
Remove Stressors. Recognize the situations that can create stress for your loved one. Is it too much noise? Encourage your family to use quiet voices. Too many people? Host a drop-in where two or three family members can visit for shorter periods of time. A certain time of day? Encourage guests to visit first thing in the morning or right after lunch if those times of day are better for your loved one.
Be aware of wandering. Wandering is a very real challenge for people with dementia. A quick, low-tech solution to help discourage wandering in a new environment is to place a dark-colored rug or mat in front of the exterior doors. People with dementia see the dark color as a hole and will move away from it naturally.
“In the midst of living with a dementia diagnosis it can be easy to lose hope,” Janie says. “Instead, I want to offer people an opportunity to care for their family members in a holistic way—a way that honors them for who they are and what they bring to the family.”
If your loved one would benefit from in-home care, day services, personal care, or personal care memory care, learn more about the opportunities at Garden Spot Village by clicking here.
ForgeWorks, a Garden Spot Communities Consulting Agency, offers dementia education and consulting for individuals, families and organizations.