Written by Eliza Brown
Aging in place means that inevitably there will be changes within your marriage. Capabilities change, freedom and independence can narrow, and dynamics shift as a result. This can potentially complicate things! Maybe the spouse in the marriage who would always grocery shop can no longer drive; the spouse who would always walk the dog is having more falls; the spouse who would cook is forgetting to turn the oven off… The list of ways aging in place can complicate marriage can go on and on. But you’re not without resources! Garden Spot Village At Home can help these transitions go more smoothly to ensure your marriage remains a joy-filled priority.
Hire a caregiver to go on dates with you & your spouse. This one sounds strange, but think about the opportunities. Say you and your spouse enjoy attending local live theater events, but your spouse can’t navigate the crowds, tight aisles in the dark, and parking lots anymore without wanting to throw in the towel. A caregiver could be hired to go with you.
The caregiver could walk your spouse to the lobby while you park the car; they could find your seats and help you get to them; they could get you concessions, help your loved one to the bathroom at intermission, and then help navigate the post-show rush of people safely.
Hiring a caregiver to be an extra support could open the world to you once more. Instead of writing opportunities off for being “too dangerous,” a “fall risk,” or “just too complicated to handle alone,” you can start thinking with a “why can’t we” mindset again!
It’s also worth noting that the caregiver wouldn’t need to be with you and your spouse the entire time. Privacy is a boundary that Garden Spot Village At Home caregivers are trained to respect. They could sit in a different row at a show, at a different table at dinner, or keep their distance when you’re out and about, ready to jump in when needed.
Hire a caregiver to do the aspects of care you don’t want to do. Certain aspects of caregiving are not glamorous. That’s no secret. As we age, often we find ourselves taking on that caregiver role more and more within marriage, which can lead to regret, resentment and exhaustion. But that “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” part of wedding vows doesn’t say that you must do it alone. If you are able to, hire a caregiver to come in to do the caregiving jobs that you don’t want to do. A caregiver can come in to help your spouse in the shower, help them in the restroom, or assist at mealtimes, so you can focus more on your role as spouse instead of caregiver.
Hire a caregiver for respite time. Taking on more responsibilities within a marriage is exhausting, and burnout is real even when you love someone. A great way to use in-home caregivers is for respite. Schedule a caregiver to come in and visit with your spouse while you grab coffee with a friend, go to bible study, get a haircut, or go for a walk. They can make sure your spouse is safe and taken care of, while you make sure YOU are well looked after as well. Taking steps to avoid burnout can change your entire outlook on your role as a spousal caregiver and give your marriage the support and renewal it may need.
Hire a caregiver to help your spouse help you. An important aspect of marriage is that you continually show up for one another. As abilities change, it becomes more difficult for spouses to continue to help each other equally the way they once did, and that’s where Garden Spot Village At Home can once again be incredibly helpful. There’s no shame in asking for what you need in a relationship, and if that means hiring a caregiver to come in once a day, once a week, or once a month to help your spouse show up for you, that is a possibility!
Hire a caregiver to help your spouse cook dinner. Hire a caregiver to help your spouse pick flowers from your garden and arrange them into a bouquet. Hire a caregiver to help your spouse do the household jobs they’ve always been responsible for, such as sorting the recycling and taking the trash out, vacuuming, ironing or folding the laundry, or washing the dishes. If mobility is standing in the way of a spouse showing up for their partner, the caregiver can bridge that gap by being the extra support. If memory is slipping away, the caregiver can be the reassurance needed for a spouse to continue to be in a partnership. A caregiver can be the one who fills in the gaps that age has created.
Garden Spot Village At Home is just a click or a phone call away, and they are happy to get you on the schedule for them to help with household errands, personal care, transportation, meal preparation, light housekeeping, companionship, and more for residents of Garden Spot Village and the surrounding area! Visit gardenspotvillage.org/healthcare/garden-spot-at-home for more information.